Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Cricket for Dummies

Now now, I know you are thinking that only a dummy can think about writing 'Cricket for DUMMIES'. But I don't blame you - you have the luxury of not knowing what I know.

What! now you want to know what I know. Tell you what I am tired of being the lone (or is it loone) 'good guy' keeper of the secret. I am tired of running around from the bad guys jumping hurriedly out of beds where I go to lay down with babes after a well spent(pun intended) tiring day of protecting the secret ("Come to bed, Big Boy!!". "In a minute, honey. Just let me finish this post"), tired of leaving loos unflushed, toothpastes tubes opened, ACs running etc etc while making close shaves - I am tired of being the One.

So if you really really want to share my burden you are welcome to send your profile to Agent#K@MIB.com. Note: Please do not post this email id in forums/user groups or (Wink Wink).

Any ways, coming to the topic at hand, let me start from the basics:

Contrary to the popular belief there are actually more than two teams in the game:

a) Loosers aka audience (or is that spectators. Aargh never mind I am calling them audience and you can sue me if you like. Send me a legal notary email which is the norm for the blogging community). The players from this team have no way of winning. They are destined to become fat ugly couch potatoes and fodders for the winning of the other teams. All they do is sit and watch. The small loosers watch TV and the bigger ones go to a place called 'Stadium'.

b) Soft Drink companies. They are always among the winners irrespective of what the news/audience say. Infact the longer the game continues the more they win (this is the primary reason behind the existence of pathetically boring 5 day matches called test, i.e, test of patience).Their main objective is to get as many looser as possible to buy their drinks and make them even bigger loosers( I told you audience have no chance of winning so they just tend to do the opposite and try to become the biggest loosers and they take pride in it) .

c) Models aka batsmen, bowlers and wicket keepers. This is an interesting team in which some member win, others lose. Their small time job is to wear chic goggles and basically look cool and sexy, while the bigger picture is to earn advertising contracts. They do all kind of juggling tricks with balls and bat and stumps (at least in the beginning) to entice the ad companies.

d) TV channels. They too like the Soft Drink companies are always among the winners. Their main objective is to pack in as many ads in a telecast (which is the process of capturing the video image of a match and transmitting it to the TV boxes of the small loosers) and rake in as much moolah as possible.

e) Cricket Boards. Now this team is a unique one because their objective in the game is GOK (God Only Knows) and the players of this team fight among themselves apart from others. Well to say the truth, they are the only fun part of the game and unlike the thing, which loosers call a match, their game continues 24/7. Back stabbing, fund embezzlements and petty politics are the normal activities of any member. If you like to watch parliaments sessions specially when the members are throwing stuff like tables and chairs at each other or shouting their lungs out then I bet you will be rooting for this team.

Ok now that we know the players, we go to_

"Baby I am getting bored here. Come na".

Guys looks like I will have to leave it here today. But don't worry I will take up each thing that matters in Cricket in details in my later posts. Till then you read this post over and over again and memorize it.


Post a Comment

<< Home