Sunday, April 30, 2006

Guide to Online Tests

Wanna find out how intelligent you are? Or funny or mature or emotional or just how much of a dickhead you are? Relax, sit back and browse through the infinite websites out there just for you.

Here is what you need to do:

1) Create two email ids (after all you don't want to get spammed for your entire life, now do you??). The need for two ids will become evident soon.
2) Go to Google and type 'online test [insert the test type here]'.
3) Starting from the first result do right click -> open in a new window.
4) In each window follow the instructions and reach the test page.
5) Now the first time just put in all answers without any kind of effort to think. Give one of the email ids you created when asked.
6) If at the end you reach a page which ask flatteringly to pay up to get a report in your mail, just take your cursor to the top right corner and click the X button. After all you don't want to pay up for the test (in which case I would assume that you will go in for a personal visit to a specialist). On the other hand if you are ready to pay for online test please use the cursor trick I described on this page too. You see I don't want to talk to dumbos. Now getting back to the point at hand if you had to close the test window on account of their stupidity to ask for money go back to step 4.
7) Okay now you have found a website which gives the test result for free. So get serious, drink water, exercise your eyes and hands, take deep breathes and whatever. Register there with the other emailid you had created and give the test again but this time use the stuff between your ears for God's sake.
8) Liked the score. If yes stop. You don't want to spend your life giving one tests after another rather than bragging your friends/gfs/spouse etc. etc., now do you???
9) Ok ok so you did not like the score. What do those stupid pricks who created the website know about what IQ/EQ/FQ really mean; such loosers. Close the website window and go back to step 4 and hope that this time you get a really honest and correct website to give you the proper test.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

How nerd are you?

Hmmm... Took the test (Link from 22nd floor). Here's my score which is highly improbable.

I am nerdier than 92% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Any ways that's that.
I think I will write my next post on online tests.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Farewell Waltz - Funny, Chilling, Intense

Having read 'Unbearable Lightness of Being', and 'Immortality' before, last weekend when I saw 'Farewell Waltz' in the book store I knew what I was going to read that Saturday night and Sunday.

And Milan Kundera does not disappoint. 'Farewell Waltz', 'Unbearable Lightness of Being', and 'Immortality' are all as different from each other as they can get. Still you find the same intensity, insights into human psychology said with a wrapping of sarcastic/black humor which is Milan Kundera's trademark.

The book is an account of 5 days, set in an old-fashioned Central European spa town, in the life of a trumpeter who has just received a call from a nurse in the spa about her being pregnant from one brief encounter they had some time ago.

One thing I found it had in common with 'Immortality' is the existence of a character doing a crazy thing with utter conviction and 'justification' (read both to see what I mean and I can promise none of the two will be a let down). What they were doing and the reason behind are totally different but still it gives a sense of deja vu. I am not complaining though.

I am told that 'Life is Elsewhere' is not all that fulfilling by one of my fellow Kundera fan. But I am sure gonna read it. Anything by Kundera deserves to be read.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Local Trains and Utopian Ideas

Read the below news on Sunday Times of India front page:

"Mumbai locals may be air-conditioned

Tired of sweating it out in local trains? Some ‘cool’ news may be on the anvil as Union railway minister Lalu Prasad is considering the Maharashtra government’s proposal to run air-conditioned trains on the Mumbai suburban network. The state government has been clamouring for the introduction of AC coaches in local trains to attract the huge pool of car owners currently clogging the roads of Mumbai. With more than 15 lakh vehicles on Mumbai’s roads on any given day, the government hopes that the prospect of a comfortable journey by AC coaches will induce car owners to take trains. Against this backdrop, chief minister Vilasrao Deshmukh had written to Lalu in January. While cleaning up station areas and expediting pending railway works were also part of the letter, the thrust was on the introduction of AC coaches in the existing trains, followed by all-AC trains. TNN"

AC trains are always cool (pun intended); but the government's hope of inducing car owners to take trains is going to crash. Here is why:

1) Where is the space? Take a look at any local train. Does it look anyway that more people can board it in a civilized manner? Getting into one requires head strongness and the absence of guilt in stamping feets. Does the government think that people who can afford cars would care to bother with trains in such a situation? I don't own a bike let alone a car and still I try to take an auto or a bus(comparatively comfortable) to wherever possible.

2) Where does a passenger spend a large amount of his time of journey? Before you shout train, let me put down a couple of other places which the passenger will visit:
a) Auto/Taxi to get to and from the station. Well the government isn't certainly hoping that people have their source and destination just beside the station.
b) Platforms/Ticket Counters.
Now any Mumbai guy will know none of the above are air conditioned and the crowds at platform is nothing less then what you will meet in your coach. So no sane car owner, I repeat no sane car owner is going to travel by a train be it AC or non AC.

Now if only the government wakes up from its slumber and start thinking about real solutions instead of crazy ideas.

Friday, April 14, 2006

My last post on the reservation

Recently the issue of 'reservation' has taken the blog world by storm. I believe the idea of 'reservation' as a 'novel concept' can by blasted to tethers by reasoning in a short time. How do you justify the volume of the arguments in the blogs and the related comments? Well look more clearly and you will see two things:

1) A person trying his best to keep putting up logical reasons to validate his ideas.
2) A looney hell bent upon throwing every reason out of the window and whose only aim seems to be disagreeing with every logic thrown at his face.

Gaurav put a link to a nice analogy in one of his comments. The current situation is not much different.

The reasonable man learnt his lesson and has decided to move on and I too taking a cue from the happenings have made up my mind not to torture myself reading and replying to shit. How can you reason with a illogical man? I am lucky not to undergo what this person was very near to go through and Gaurav went through during the IIPM saga.

Looks like saneness in this world can only come by Naveen's way . He may have said all that in jest but I am pretty convinced of it.

Till then I will just sit tight and try to amuse myself with the little things which aren't big/important enough for crappies to mess with.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

RE:The Alarmists, the anti-Mandalites, the middle class, the upper castes…

Hmmm...Read a very sickening post. Though I don't wish to waste my time in protesting something which is so evidently wrong but still can't help. So here it goes:

"There are more than enough seats for all higher education students in the country. Be it engineering or medicine or management or plain old BA courses, there are more than enough seats in this country. Why then are the anti-reservation alarmists painting a picture that some general category people will go without an education?"

Oh is it so? Then why do you need reservation in the first place???

"If you read this and this, you will know more or less why I support reservations in principle: I’ve seen how caste prejudice works and I have seen how reservations help.

There is this whole one-point facetious argument of merit. In my college 22 or so per sent seats are reserved for Christian students. Fair enough: the college was established by Christian missionaries and wishes to preserve its Christian character. As a result I have Christian classmates who got much less marks in their Class 12 exams than I did. But many of them are performing much better in their academics than I am. Quotas and the issue of merit is much more complicated than what it is being made out to be. Quota doesn’t mean that an absolute nutcase is going to sit in an engineering class. It means that a student with 65% marks could be studying in a class with a student who got 95%. To say that the two can’t co-exist is absurd."

1) Well if owner wants to screw around with his establishment he is free to do it. But if he/she/they are using my money in the establishment then it is highly objectionable. So if they don't come asking for charity from me or some one who opposes reservation, I would not mind how they run their institution.
2) Ofcourse not every one on reserved quota is a 'nutcase'. Let's make it even better - let's assume no one is 'nutcase'. But every one of them has hijacked a seat from a more meritous student.

"The media has coined a corny title for this one - Mandal II. In the last post Dilip has already mentioned media bias in the coverage of the issue. I’ve been getting all kinds of sms-es from friends in Delhi University: gather here for protest, gather there for protest. NDTV has promised support. Sahara has promised support. And then an sms said that Aditya Sarma (a III Maths student of Hans Raj College) is on a hunger strike and may immolate himself soon.

I wonder if Mr Sarma is planning to contest Delhi University Students’ Union elections next year. That’s what Rajiv Goswami had done after attempting to immolate himself in 1990. Goswami finally succumbed to health problems in 2004. Do you see the irony here: by the time his immolation killed him, Shining India had arrived. The picture they had painted in Mandal I - that ‘we’ will be left unemployed, uneducated - is the last thing you see today.

If Aditya Sarma does immolate himself, all those of you igniting this unwarranted frenzy - all the bloggers and editors and the chai-shop gossipers - you will be responsible for it."

1) Are you receiving SMSs from media or 'your friends'?
2) If 'your friends' organize protests and the media covers it, how is it getting wrong?
3) If media is biased, is it the fault of people protesting against reservation or the idea of 'anti-reservation' or the media? Are you protesting against 'anti-reservation' or the 'wrongs of media'?

"Lastly, all those opposing “Mandal II” should tell us whether they are non-OBC. Upper castes are no doubt meritocratic (which is why sons inherit fathers’ businesses), and they are no doubt oblivious to caste (just see the matrimonial pages), but there is the hint of vested interest here. And if you are opposing reservations because admissions will become tougher for you, you won’t get the point of affirmative action anyway."

1) I am non-OBC.
2) I did not and neither plan to inherit my father's business.
3) I have no plans of studying any farther as of now.
4) What about you?
5) Do you mean to say that there is 100% reservation on people who can protest against reservation? And there is no restriction for people who support it (including the B P Mandal)?

"Lastly, as an aside, will you believe me that I have met Mandal? No, not Justice BP Mandal but Ashok Mandal. He is a rickshaw puller in Delhi University and hails from Murho in Madhepura. Just where Justice Mandal came from."

Will you believe that I have met my office' liftman? Well he is a non-OBC local Maharastrian and did not come from Murho in Madhepura. Probably that's why B P Mandal didn't know there are poor non-OBC people to in India. And before you ask, I am against reservation for him too.

Monday, April 10, 2006

2015... India

Well what do you think India will be in 2015?? I can definitely see the following things happening:

1) People will die from diseases like cold and cough due to incorrect treatment given by the incompetent doctors. Medical tourism to India will be a thing of past. Medical tourism from India will be the new thing in.

2) No one will be driving over the bridges and flyovers because you never know what kind of stupid design the incompetent engineers used and for how many minutes the bridge will stand. Probably if it stands long enough for the politician, who made that engineer possible, to come, inaugurate and give a long lecture about secularism and evils of caste system then the bridge would have served its purpose.

You can make N number of such points which are definitely unavoidable if the Government goes on with its stupid and unethical plan of more reservation.

And you know what; the above is not the biggest part of the tragedy. The biggest tragedy lies with the people who were competent but reservation made it impossible for them to get ahead. What are they gonna do?? Fake certificates? Robberies? Suicides??

I can't help but think about 'Atlas Shrugged' here. There was a time when I first read it and thought 'ok this is the extreme which is never gonna happen' but now I am no longer sure. Clowns like Paswan, Karunanidhi and Arjun Singh, who are among the shittiest politicians that you can find, are pushing the common man to the edge. I would love to know where these guys’ kids study. Well certainly not IITs and IIMS... for now... but wait till they bring out reservation for politicians too.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Mathematics messes with your brain

Though, in my line of career, knowing complex mathematics is a big plus but I some how have never been able to come to terms with it. By the Invisible Pink Unicorn's grace I have passed all my academic maths exams and that too with flying colors in most. Despite of that there is no denying that it confuses the shit out of me.

Do I heard you say "how???"?. Ok let's have an example:

Two trains 100km apart, are coming towards each other. One is running at a speed of 60 Km/h while the Other is running at 40 Km/h. A bird who can fly at 70km/h starts at one train, flies to the other train, then flies back to the first train and so on untill the trains crash. The question is how many complete trips does it make?

Any body who knows even the basic arithmatic realises that this one requires an expert in maths who knows his way in and out of calculas. And what does this expert find after three pages of calculas calculations (I won't put the content of those three pages here in view of the ill effects it might cause to readers' health)? INFINITY.

Now how is that possible? The time before collision is fixed (countable),i.e, 1 hr. The distance travelled by the bird is fixed (70 Km, since the train collide in 1hr so the bird keeps flying till then at 70 km/h speed). How the fuck does even mathematics have the guts to throw out Infinity as an answer????

Yesterday, googling through the web, I came upon a thing called Zeno's Paradox which instead of solving the original problem created further confusions. Sample this:

Achilles and the tortoise
"You can never catch up."

"In a race, the quickest runner can never overtake the slowest, since the pursuer must first reach the point whence the pursued started, so that the slower must always hold a lead." (Aristotle Physics VI:9, 239b15)

You are welcome to go through that page for more such gems with supportive arguments. But be sure to keep some dispirin and zandu balm at hand. Also make sure that any substance which can be used as an instrument of sucide be kept out of reach.

Oh! Mathematics, when will you stop playing games with me...